As some of you know, I have been on a little bit of a health kick after having Mikko. As I have been loosing weight I have asked myself… how did I get this FAT?! And while yes… I did have 2 babies in one year (and not at the same time), which helped me gain 50 lbs, I actually gained 20 lbs my first 2 years of marriage at BYU. Looking back, I have noticed some rather interesting habits that I think may have been contributors to my 20 lbs of weight gain before baby, and then which inevitably helped me with the 50 lbs with baby (you are only suppose to gain 25-30 when pregnant). Anyway, for those of you who may be looking to gain 20 lbs… I have 10 ways that helped me, so I have no doubt they can help you. These are real-life 100% true statements that yes- I really did. But I warn you, this may make you physically ill, and I will understand if you can’t look at me the same again. Here they are:
1. Avoid living among stairs. Live on the bottom floor apartment or a one story house. You don’t want a daily activity of constant up and down stairs. Its way too hard.
2. Eat out at least 10 times a week. This can be breakfast, lunch or dinner. The trans-fat loaded meals go strait to those “you’re getting fat” places. My personal favorites include; Chili’s (at least once a week), Denny’s (sick… I know), Krispy Kreme Donuts, Café Rio, Fazoli’s Italian, and Cold Stone.
3. When eating out, you want to save money. So when possible choose low class, fatty, fast food restaurants such as; McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Arby’s, Burger King, etc… They provide the most grease, fat, salt and calories for your dollar.
4. Start wearing your husband’s clothes. (If you’re male, try your Dad’s clothes) This makes you feel like you have room to grow since “hubby’s” or “Dad’s” clothes fit nice and loose. You don’t notice them getting too tight, they simply are starting to fit better.
5. Go to the Hostess Shop and buy crème filled pies, chocolate donuts, ding dongs or any other sugar-filled fatty snacks. Buy enough so you eat 1-2 a day.
6. Get a job that requires very little to no activity. Such as sitting in a chair for 4-5 hours a night picking up the phone and conducting interviews. I hear now that some companies automate the numbers so you don’t even have to dial. This will help significantly.
7. Start a Sunday ritual where you drink 1-2 cans of soda (your choice) and down half a can of Fritos Cheese Dip with Jalapeños and the bite sized tortilla chips. This is tasty and will insure tremendous weight gain.
8. Always drive. Avoid walking or riding a bike whenever possible. Even if it is 100-200 feet away.
9. If you must eat at home, don’t worry. You can still enjoy salty, fatty, greasy foods. Any of the following will do: Spaghetti Os, Frozen Totino’s Pizza, Mac & Cheese, Hot Dogs, Raviolis (in a can), home-made Cheesy Gordita Crunch, or frozen Corn Dogs.
10. When making a batch of brownies, cakes, or cookies, eat half the batter before baking. You can cook the other half using a smaller pan. This way you can enjoy half right away, and the other half a couple hours later nice and baked. You must do this 1-2 times a week.
I think I just threw up.
