Tuesday, August 19, 2008

10 Ways to Gain 20 lbs

As some of you know, I have been on a little bit of a health kick after having Mikko. As I have been loosing weight I have asked myself… how did I get this FAT?! And while yes… I did have 2 babies in one year (and not at the same time), which helped me gain 50 lbs, I actually gained 20 lbs my first 2 years of marriage at BYU. Looking back, I have noticed some rather interesting habits that I think may have been contributors to my 20 lbs of weight gain before baby, and then which inevitably helped me with the 50 lbs with baby (you are only suppose to gain 25-30 when pregnant). Anyway, for those of you who may be looking to gain 20 lbs… I have 10 ways that helped me, so I have no doubt they can help you. These are real-life 100% true statements that yes- I really did. But I warn you, this may make you physically ill, and I will understand if you can’t look at me the same again. Here they are:

1. Avoid living among stairs. Live on the bottom floor apartment or a one story house. You don’t want a daily activity of constant up and down stairs. Its way too hard.

2. Eat out at least 10 times a week. This can be breakfast, lunch or dinner. The trans-fat loaded meals go strait to those “you’re getting fat” places. My personal favorites include; Chili’s (at least once a week), Denny’s (sick… I know), Krispy Kreme Donuts, Café Rio, Fazoli’s Italian, and Cold Stone.

3. When eating out, you want to save money. So when possible choose low class, fatty, fast food restaurants such as; McDonalds, Wendy’s, Taco Bell, Arby’s, Burger King, etc… They provide the most grease, fat, salt and calories for your dollar.

4. Start wearing your husband’s clothes. (If you’re male, try your Dad’s clothes) This makes you feel like you have room to grow since “hubby’s” or “Dad’s” clothes fit nice and loose. You don’t notice them getting too tight, they simply are starting to fit better.

5. Go to the Hostess Shop and buy crème filled pies, chocolate donuts, ding dongs or any other sugar-filled fatty snacks. Buy enough so you eat 1-2 a day.

6. Get a job that requires very little to no activity. Such as sitting in a chair for 4-5 hours a night picking up the phone and conducting interviews. I hear now that some companies automate the numbers so you don’t even have to dial. This will help significantly.

7. Start a Sunday ritual where you drink 1-2 cans of soda (your choice) and down half a can of Fritos Cheese Dip with Jalapeños and the bite sized tortilla chips. This is tasty and will insure tremendous weight gain.

8. Always drive. Avoid walking or riding a bike whenever possible. Even if it is 100-200 feet away.

9. If you must eat at home, don’t worry. You can still enjoy salty, fatty, greasy foods. Any of the following will do: Spaghetti Os, Frozen Totino’s Pizza, Mac & Cheese, Hot Dogs, Raviolis (in a can), home-made Cheesy Gordita Crunch, or frozen Corn Dogs.

10. When making a batch of brownies, cakes, or cookies, eat half the batter before baking. You can cook the other half using a smaller pan. This way you can enjoy half right away, and the other half a couple hours later nice and baked. You must do this 1-2 times a week.

I think I just threw up.

8 comments:

Justin, Amy, and Grace said...

I'm sure Aaron was a co-conspirator in a few of those things. Before you guys were married he introduced me to the krispy kreme lemon filled donut and denny's smothered cheese fries, and I must say they are both still a guilty pleasure! Anyways, I thought you looked great in your pictures for having 2 kids back-to-back. Good luck in your endeavors. I've never been a good dieter myself. You'll have to post "10 ways to lose 20lbs" next.

Dudley Family said...

I too think you look great! I gained 50 pounds just with Maddie, and I too started larger! Thank goodness I eventually lost it, and didn't put on AS MUCH with this pregnancy. Try having a sister pregnant the same time that puts on 15 pounds and loses it all by the time the baby is born...

It's probably good we don't live by each other... we'd be going out to Chili's everyday! That is my favorite restaurant ever. They don't have any near me here in Seattle, but when we move to Utah in October.... here I come! :) But really, you look great, and your kids are so stinkin cute!

B said...

get in my belly little baby! the other other white meat

Christina Bess said...

This totally cracked me up! I may have not known you before you were married, but you are not FAT! You look beautiful and don't feel otherwise... because I said so. :)

Bonnie and Brian Wayne said...

I can totally relate - after baby #3 I have been on a health kick myself...it gets harder and harder to lose that baby weight. But hello - your post was SO funny! You crack me up. I am glad I found your blog. We were visitng the sorensons in Ut and they mentioned you guys had a blog. You look great, by the way!

Life on Pelican Street said...

LOL!!! I havent stopped laughing about number four! So that must be why I always feel so good wearing Bens big shirts!!

Paige said...

ahh, these suggestions warm the cockles of my heart. I feel a kinship.

Leslie said...

mmmmmm... totinos pizzas.
and if you are lucky, you can often find them on sale for $1.00.
that is when I stock up.
the kids think that they are great too (they are all still fairly thin).